Fic: The Washington Detour

[so_jang]

Title:
Author: oparu
Rating: R (sex!)
Pairing: John/Elizabeth, Sam/Jack
Notes: For lanna_kitty's birthday. Which was last month, but I don't really have a good excuse.
Summary: Part of John Sheppard's worst vacation ever. A stranded John, Elizabeth and baby are rescued by Sam and Jack. Fluff and much discussion of babies.


"I would just like to point out that if you'd let me buy the H3 like I wanted too, none of this would be happening," Jack pointed out smugly as he glared at the line of slowly moving traffic on the freeway. "I could drive over them."

"You don't need to compensate for anything that much," Sam insinuated as she licked the whipped cream off her peppermint mocha. "Sweetheart," she mocked as she flicked sprinkles at him.

"Well, no," Jack grunted as he realized there was no winning this argument. "Doesn't mean I should have gone out and bought a damn VW beetle. Probably could have gotten a pink one too, while I was at it."

"I don't know if I'd go that far," Sam giggled reaching for the bad from the coffee shop. "Did we get scones?"

"How can you eat those?" Jack grumbled as he swigged his coffee. "Aren't they just for yuppies and uppity university kids?"

"Better than cheese poofs or whatever those are," Sam teased and stared at the bag on his lap. "Do you still have to eat like a teenager?"

"You are what you eat," Jack scoffed and then paused. "Well, you're only as old as your heart eats, or eat your heart out, or something to that effect."

"Maybe your heart is what you should be worried about," Sam muttered darkly pulling her feet out of her boots and resting her feet on the dashboard. "I hate to keep reminding you, but you're not as young as you think you are."

Chuckling, Jack shook his head. "I'm not thirty?" he baited.

"You're not even forty," Sam quipped back as she wiggled her toes. "Maybe fifty," she taunted. "On a good day."

"Well my dear," Jack glared at her over his coffee and waited for her to stop looking so he could throw a cheese puff. "You're not a wet behind the ears cadet anymore, ma'am, colonel, ma'am." His mocking salute just made her laugh harder.

"I was never that young," Sam groaned as she tried not to remember herself as the overeager cadet.

"Or that sciencey," Jack teased with a shudder. "You know, I hated all scientists when I met you."

"You still don't like them," Sam reminded him with a grin.

"I like one," Jack paused thoughtfully musing if there were any others. "The little guy isn't bad, the one who annoys McKay."

"Radek," Sam reminded him as she swirled the sweet coffee in her cup. "He's from the Czech Republic, has all these stories about growing up in Eastern Europe. Really interesting guy. Good dissertation, brilliant habilitation--" Stopping suddenly she dug for the map. "Next exit! Next exit!"

"I know how to get to New York," Jack sighed as he batted her hand off his arm. "Weren't you just telling me how old I am? As an ancient man, I know where all these little snow-covered roads go because I am used to following the mammoth and the other creatures of legend that I hunted for food in my faraway, nearly forgotten youth."

Holding up his hand to keep her from arguing, Jack checked the rearview mirror and shook his head at her. "And no more coffee. No more Starbucks, Coffee Heaven, Dunkin' Donuts, Cocaine Cappuccino or anywhere between here and the moon where you can get caffeine. No arguing! Or we're listening to Dylan."

---

"Well," Jack whispered peering in at Elizabeth and John spooned up together in the back seat like little children and waited for Sam to come join him. "Look at these two."

"They're jet-lagged," Sam chided him bouncing Evelyn and pointing out the festive lights on the elevator into the building. "Look at that," she murmured to the baby. "Aren't they pretty?"

"Am I supposed to wake them up?" Jack wondered as he slipped his hands into his pockets and tried not to smile at the poor lost souls in his SUV.

"Don't bother," Sam warned him as she slipped around the back and grabbed the baby bag. "They're in the safest parking garage on the east coast. They're fine. It's warm in here. When they wake up, they'll come in. Your name's on the buzzer. They can find it."

"I don't know if many parents like it when you run off with their child," Jack reminded her as he quietly shut the door and took the bag from her shoulder. "How's the munchkin?"

"Wanna go see the stuffy old general?" Sam asked the baby as she swung her over within reach. "There he is," she agreed with Evie chortled at Jack and grabbed at his scarf. "He's just a grumpy one, isn't he?"

"That's it," Jack decided firmly reaching over to kiss her over the baby's head. "I know someone who's going to bed early." Reaching down to smack her lightly on the butt, Jack slipped past into the elevator. "Should I lock them in?" he asked with mock concern. "I kind of feel like I'm abandoning puppies."

"Just push the button," Sam ordered glaring at him as she smiled. "What are you making for dinner?"

---

"We'll figure out it," Jack said plucking Evie from Sam's arms and tilting his head towards the kitchen. "She's probably more use than you are in a kitchen anyway."

"Sad but true," Sam agreed as she hung up their coats in the closet. "Make something good."

"I always make something good," Jack repeated to the baby as he started looking through his cupboards. Balancing the baby on his left hip, he found a box of graham crackers first to distract her with. Handing her a small piece, he checked the bread and the containers of pasta thoughtfully. "Probably shouldn't make too strong for your mommy. Though she did make it all the way back without throwing up in my Jeep, so that's something. Be proud of your mommy, okay?"

Leaving the pasta he wanted out, Jack turned to the fridge. "Now, what do you want with your noodles?" he asked as Evie stared at him intently over the last bite of her cracker. "Carrots?" She knocked it out of his hand and onto the floor and he smirked at her. "Seems like a good choice." When he bent further in, Evie took the opportunity to knock two onions, a carton of cream, a pack of butter and almost a jar of pickles to the floor. Catching the pickles, he wagged his finger at her.

"Maybe you want to wait until you can walk before you start your career as a chef, huh?" Jack advised as he groaned and squatted down to retrieve the vegetables. He tossed them onto the counter and stuffed the cream back in the fridge. "No wonder your parents are tired," he mused as he peered into the freezer for protein. "Chicken?" he asked pulling out the frozen bundle. "Chicken sounds good doesn't it?"

Running cold water into the sink, he dumped some of his vegetables in one side and starting running water of the frozen chicken. "I'd offer you beer, but it'll be awhile on that one," Jack said to Evie as he tried to figure out where he could put her. The far corner of the floor looked pretty tempting. His plastic dishes were over there, and she couldn't really hurt those. Maybe the measuring cups would be enough to keep her occupied.

"What do you think?" he wondered aloud as he knelt down on the floor. Groaning when his knee popped, Jack shook his head at the baby. "And she wants to have one, get our own little apartment ruining, prodigy chef, little future SG-eighty-three team member."

Setting her down in the corner of the cabinets, he opened the safe doors and starting looking for towels to tie the other cabinets together. Evie started to chew on one of his measuring spoons and he smirked at her. "How's your mommy doing, huh?" he asked as he rubbed her head. "She gonna be okay having another one? Bet you'll like having a sibling though, little one like you to help you gang up on daddy and talk mommy into letting you fly jumpers and learn guns from the big guy."

"Okay, you, you stay down there, I gotta chop some stuff, okay?" he requested as he dragged himself back up to his feet, exaggerating the stiffness in his leg. "Did I mention I'm too old for this?" he called towards Sam in the bedroom. "All this housework and cooking, the slaving away in front of a hot stove--"

"Don't make me come in there and beat you," Sam called back from the spare bedroom. "How's the baby?"

"She's chewing knives and playing with the stove," Jack yelled as he winked at her and handed down a piece of apple. "Tastes better than spoon, trust me," he assured the baby as he went back to his chopping. "I'm not supposed to keep her alive right?" he asked Sam through the doors. "Her parents are having another one anyway. You know, we could just keep this one. They probably wouldn't miss her. Right, terror?"

Evie's response was banging on one of the plastic bowls with the measuring spoon. Jack shrugged and shoved chopped vegetables into a bowl and set them near the stove. Heating his chicken pan, he went to check it in the sink. When he thought the chicken was thawed enough, he started slicing. Turning himself and the cutting board so he could keep an eye on the baby, his hands moved quickly from years of practice.

"If you want one of these, you're going to have to learn to cook," Jack called into the hallway. "I think I'd make you."

"I'll be tired," Sam teased back as she flounced into the room and stole a piece of pepper from the dish. "I hear being pregnant just wears you out and I'll be so busy with work you'll have to cook for me."

"So you expect me to just keep house and clean for you?" Jack asked incredulously staring at her as she opened the fridge.

"Beer?" Sam asked giggling as Evie tried to keep up with them. "Look at her trying to watch you," she suggested as she removed the cap from his beer and took a sip before setting it down. "Can't keep her eyes off you."

"She's trying to decide how a codger like me is even still alive," Jack quipped dryly as he stared at his chicken grease covered hands and then sadly at his beer. "Would you mind?" he demanded with piteous eyes.

"Only because you're still the best looking man I know," Sam murmured playfully as she held the brown bottle to his lips.

"Good girl," Jack intoned smacking his lips. "Any sign of our stragglers?"

Turning her head towards the door, Sam shook her head slowly. "I can go check the security camera," she volunteered. "See if they've moved yet."

"Does this involve hacking?" Jack wondered as he washed his hands and readied another hunk of apple for the baby. "I don't know if I can support hacking."

"No, your apartment comes with a monitor for your parking space," Sam reminded him as she pointed at the security console he never used. "It's legitimate."

Poking at the chicken as it spun around in the pan, Jack went into the fridge for the substandard beer and added some of it for flavor to dinner. "Can you believe he bought this? I try to teach him everything I know, and Cameron brings over this swill. I don't even know if it's good enough to cook with."

"Least he brought beer," Sam shrugged and knelt down to help Evie pick a bowl to bang on. "Not wine like the first time Daniel came over," she reminded him with a smirk.

---

Elizabeth picked at her dinner and tried to hold her head up with one hand. John looked nearly as exhausted. Though they were awake and making an effort to eat, it almost hurt to watch them. Everything John had been through to get his family this far, had taken a toll on him nearly as harsh as Elizabeth's pregnancy. The baby had contentedly eaten her dinner, fussed for a while because Sam was not her mother, but gone to sleep in a laundry basket lined with blankets making her the easiest refugee to deal with.

John had finished inhaling all the food on his plate almost as soon as he'd sat down. He seemed to be making an attempt to follow Sam and Jack's conversation but he said little and his left hand hovered near Elizabeth's shoulder.

"No one's going to force you to finish," Jack reminded Elizabeth as he cleared everyone else's plates. "I'm not your mother."

"Oh, I know," Elizabeth sighed sheepishly and dropped her head fully to John's shoulder. "I just think I should eat everything because the windows of opportunity when I'm not actively nauseated."

Jack stared at his wife with a look that conveyed, 'and you want this?' without saying a word. "Gonna be okay?" he asked Elizabeth with a gentler tone. "We could get you in somewhere if it's serious."

"No, no," she shook her head but motion that made her wince and close her eyes for a moment. "I had a rough few days when I was pregnant with Evelyn, and I've run into things that have really messed up my stomach when I've been traveling before. I'm sure it's nothing."

"You just look like you're dying," Jack taunted half seriously as he disappeared into the kitchen.

"Not uncommon for her," John agreed through a yawn. Elizabeth glared at him, but he patted her hand in apology. "You're greenish, not quite Wraith-green, but, uh--" His hand slipped out to touch her cheek before he looked away. "Did the baby cry long?"

"No--" Sam said politely.

"Yes--" Jack corrected lightly. "But she's a good kid. Went down without too much of a fight."

"I'm sorry," Elizabeth apologized rubbing the back of her neck as the tension found a place there. "You came all the way to get us and then had to deal with our screaming child while we pass out at your table."

"That is a bit odd," Jack muttered as he looked from John to Elizabeth. "Usually I bore people in the office, not at my kitchen table. But, since you both insist on hearing about it, Sam liked it," Jack interjected as he slipped back into his chair. "She wants to have one. It's good practice for her."

Glaring at her husband, Sam nearly kicked him under the table.

"She can be really cute," John said patiently sticking up for the idea. "Evie's got this little smile, when she's trying to figure something out." Jack watched him kiss Elizabeth's temple and take over the rubbing of her neck. "She's always thinking," John added with quiet astonishment.

"As soon as she really starts getting around you'll wish she spent more time watching TV," Jack warned sagely. "Hope she learns to like chess. Sciencey-geeky girls are much easier to manage."

This time Sam's foot connected with his ankle and he raised an eyebrow as he looked down.

"Am I too close to your chair, pumpkin?" Jack drawled lazily pretending he hadn't deserved the nudge. He tapped his fingers thoughtfully over his crumpled napkin. If Elizabeth finished he could start the dishes. Their impromptu arrival had manage to coincide with the failure of his dishwasher and until the holiday was past, he wasn't on the roster of repairs.

Elizabeth sighed and set down her fork as Jack watched her tighten the skin between her eyebrows. John yawned into his hand and missed the tiny gesture of discomfort. Jack supposed he had the advantage of not being mired in jet-lag. "You want dishes?" he asked with a tilt of his head towards Sam.

"Only fair, right?" Sam asked lightly as she stood and started towards the kitchen. "Show them the bedroom? Before they both fall asleep at the table?"

"I thought that was part of the idea," he quipped as he offered a hand to Elizabeth. "Just so you don't get lost in my giant apartment, I'll lead you the ten feet to my spare bedroom." Her hand was cooler than he expected, but Jack was touched that John stood to help Sam with the dishes. "Suppose there aren't dishes much on Atlantis," he mused as he slipped his second hand around her hip.

"I can't remember the last time I did them," Elizabeth admitted sheepishly lowering her head towards his shoulder. "Mom wouldn't let me help much at the embassy."

"Were you this color?" Jack demanded as he aimed her for the bed and wondered if he should have let Sam spend more time with her. That way his better half would know exactly what she was getting into.

Elizabeth took a moment to think before she giggled softly. "I am green, aren't I?" she asked as he nodded quickly.

"I've seen worse; you gonna be all right?" he wondered as he followed her legs down to her boots and started working at the laces.

"Don't ask me that," Elizabeth groaned and closed her eyes as the spare bedroom tilted slowly around her. "We might need to adjourn to your bathroom," she moaned under her breath. Jack stood up and put both hands on her face to steady her.

"Thought you were all right," he chided softly. Her skin was cool and damp beneath his fingers. "Breathe slowly," Jack suggested gently. "Hold still, hope it goes away."

Elizabeth's breath shuddered in her throat. Jack kept his gaze locked on her eyes, but she couldn't focus. Her lips were a few shades too pale and he watched her throat flutter as she swallowed.

"So, you guys do this on purpose?" Jack wondered as he casually searched the spare room for the trash bin with his eyes. Finding it by the head of the bed, just past her feet, he tried to decide if it was worth reaching around her to get it.

"It just happened," Elizabeth sighed and screwed her eyes shut. Her hands twisted into the top blanket. "We didn't talk about birth control. Not after Evie was born. I suppose we should have, we just never got around to it."

"That might be the most pathetic excuse for getting pregnant I've ever heard," he snorted lowering his left hand to reach for the trash bin. Elizabeth leaned into his right hand and her pinched expression eased slightly. The lines around her eyes were made more intense by the dark circles beneath them.

"More believable that way," Elizabeth mused dryly. "Our boss might have been a little suspicious if we admitted we were trying to have another baby so we could make his life difficult."

He ceased reaching for the trash bin when she managed to smile with one corner of her mouth. "I do believe that," Jack pointed out shaking his head. "Do you have any idea how much paperwork a foreign birth in another galaxy produces? What I went through to get the munchkin a birth certificate? I had to invent an air base last time. Invent a whole airbase, I had an airman pretending to be my secretary, and my secretary pretending to be my second in command."

"Really?" she asked rolling back her head. "All that work?" Her voice was faint and he could still hear the strain in it.

"Try explaining to a government oversight committee that one of the world's top negotiators just happened to have a baby in a here-to-for unmentioned international research initiative at the very bottom of the world," Jack muttered grimacing at the memory as he pulled himself up on the bed beside her. "I had to eventually involve the radical feminist representatives and point out that it was your right to have a baby where ever you chose."

"Letting them fight it out distracted them from a base that didn't exist?" Elizabeth speculated sighing as she hit the bed harder than she'd intended. Her head swam for a moment and Jack caught the choked note in her question. Reaching his foot for the trash bin he'd hoped was unnecessary, he felt her hands shift to her stomach. "Distract me--" was more of a plea than a question.

Grunting as he leaned back next to her on the bed, Jack stared up at the white ceiling over them and tried to think. "The number of petitions to serve as married couples has jumped to twenty-six this year. I didn't get any two years ago, what are you putting in the water over there?"

"Don't look at me," Elizabeth complained as she shifted her feet on the floor. "They tend to keep things very quiet until you approve them." Rolling her head towards him, she swallowed slowly. "We tried to."

"Well, you and John were fairly unsubtle," Jack complained with mock bitterness. "I think you were less of a surprise to your teams, and more of a 'it's about time' moment-"

"Says Jack O'Neill," she interjected wryly. "Half of the Air Force's most rumored secret romance."

"i know what I'm talking about then, don't I?" Jack retorted and studied her face. "When you're not green you look good pregnant. Fills you out a little. Softens your face."

"Don't know why everyone thinks my face is so harsh," Elizabeth quipped and caught her breath. The sudden sharpness in her tone was a warning that cut through the quiet of the bedroom.

Tilting his head towards her, Jack watched her eyes squeeze shut again. Trying to decide between hoping for the best and lying back down next to her, or pulling the garbage bin closer. "Something about being the boss makes you both more attractive and yet unattainable," he explained as he pulled himself up on his elbow to keep a better eye on her. "Sometimes it does wonders for your sex life. Not that you seem to need any help with that--"

Elizabeth moaned softly and shook her head without opening her eyes. The barely perceptible movement made the skin around her eyes tighten further and his stomach twisted in sympathy for her. Despite her obvious nausea, she managed a half-smile in his direction. "Why is it always about sex with you?" she teased faintly.

"Sex happens to be fairly important to me," Jack chuckled and rolled back to the bed, clasping his hands over his stomach and trying to relax. "You made her want one, you know."

"She wanted one before," Elizabeth retorted and held her breath until the bed ceased to move beneath her head. "She was really lovely when I was pregnant with Evelyn."

"John wasn't?" Jack prodded sardonically.

"John had to be," she murmured back without moving her head any more than she absolutely had to. "Sam was the one who had to share my office with me when i couldn't handle anything that had a smell stronger than plain water, and that was on a good morning."

"She told me she had to stop putting anything in her hair and her deodorant got to you," Jack grinned lopsidly at her. "Not nearly as funny as McKay's unending search for a cologne you could handle being in the same room with. Did he-?"

"No," Elizabeth sighed towards the ceiling. "He didn't, eventually everyone on Atlantis had to stop wearing anything with a smell if they wanted to be within a meter of me-" She opened her left eye just enough to glare at him. "-it's not that funny."

Jack made an effort to stop laughing but they both knew it was half-hearted. He was still chuckling as he slipped off the bed to finish removing her boots.

"I could do that," she protested as he freed her left ankle.

"You'd probably vomit while you were trying to remember how to untie these laces," he reminded her as he tried not to listen to creaking sounds of his back. "Who tied these?"

"John."

"John, right," Jack echoed resisting the temptation to snap the lace on the right boot instead of untying it. "A standard overhand knot is entirely acceptable, a flemish eight is just showing off and damn annoying when your wife wears cheap non-military issue boots." He won out when she actually managed to laugh weakly.

Elizabeth pulled her foot out of his hands and waved a hand towards him. "I didn't think it looked right to land in Thailand wearing American military boots," she replied as Jack pulled himself up to his knees next to the bed.

"I'm almost too old to chase a kid," Jack admitted with a backward glance towards the door. He dragged himself up off his knees with an extended sigh. "I love your munchkin, I really do, but I--" Pausing to run his hand through his gray hair, Jack sighed. "My knees can barely handle doing this for you, now. Much less for Sam in a year, or two years, or however long it takes her to get pregnant."

Elizabeth patted the bed next to her before she brought her hand to her head and joined his sigh. "john and I had that discussion. Though it was more about trying to raise a child on a floating city and around my addiction to my office than his knees, but, I understand."

"You're not my age," Jack grunted as he very carefully tried to return to the bed at her side. "At least, if you are, you're hiding it very very well." When Elizabeth's breath caught again in her throat, Jack stopped moving abruptly perched half-way onto the bed and glared at her. "You know, you could just throw up and get it over with."

"It doesn't stop once I start," Elizabeth complained bitterly as she opened her eyes up towards the ceiling. "At least, not this week. I think it's a bug or-"

"-the tadpole doesn't like Thailand," Jack interjected as he finally decided it might be easier to lean against the way by the bed, where he didn't have to keep disturbing her. "Eat anything weird?"

"Might just be being off the city," Elizabeth muttered in vague response to his question. "I haven't been off the city in months, and my first time back on Earth, I have to drag this little one with me."

"Did you know?" he wondered as his hand scratched the back of his neck. "Sam was suspicious, but she wasn't sure you and John were really--"

"Trying again so soon?" Elizabeth asked dryly as she turned her head to catch a look at him. "Or if it was just that we didn't realize from the last time we made that mistake that certain activities could lead me to being nauseous at inconvenient times and completely unable to be around anyone wearing cologne-"

"Well-"

"Perfume, mouthwash, aftershave, lotion, fabric softener, shampoo, lip gloss--" Elizabeth finished with a deep sigh. "Did Sam tell you about the Russian analyst and her hair?"

"Actually, that was Woolsey," he corrected with a wicked smile. "And he didn't have to tell me as much as walk past my office carrying his shoes wrapped in three plastic bags and a shell-shocked look I haven't seen on the man since he had a Replicator hand stuffed in his bald little head."

Watching the tiny smile creep over her face at the mental image of Woolsey tiptoeing in his socks through the SGC was deeply comforting. Not that Jack wanted to admit that he was afraid she couldn't smile, though it was a concern; he remembered that she'd been rather embarrassed about it at the time.

"He's not a bad man," Elizabeth insisted as she reached a hand towards him. "He really does try to--" Her other hand flew up alongside of it, and her lazy climb into a sitting position became desperately urgent. Jack pulled her up best he could, but once she stole her hand back to cover her mouth, he knew it was a lost cause.

Muttering to himself about the karma involved in his taunting of Woolsey last time distracted him as his search for the trash bin came a little too slow. Elizabeth managed to get half-way to her feet, leaning against him, before she threw up. Jack had nearly half a second to wonder why her expression had become so helpless before she was pushing him away in a vain attempt to protect him.

Caught between wanting to jump back in surprise and worrying she was a little too unbalanced on her feet to safely leave alone, Jack held her shoulder in one hand and the back of her head in the other. Maybe if he was careful he could keep both of them out of the shower. Jack only realized he was making on odd face at that idea when Elizabeth managed to meet his eyes. She was gasping for breath and waiting for her equilibrium to return and he stopped her when she tried to wipe her mouth on her sleeve.

"Mine's already dirty," Jack reminded her as he stared down at the sodden mess of his uniform and tried not to think about the hot fluid soaking through both of his shirts to burn his skin. There was nothing he could do to escape the smell, or the sick realization that he could still identify bits of the half-digested food clinging wetly to his clothing. "I might even have a handkerchief," he added as he reached for his still-dry back pocket.

Holding her shoulders as he handed over the handkerchief, Jack sighed and stared at the pristine wood flooring of his apartment. "You okay?"

"You're filthy," Elizabeth complained pitifully wiping the stray tears from her eyes.

"I believe I remain machine washable," Jack quipped in response. "As is my floor, and the rug I used to like in the corner." When he was reasonably certain letting go of her shoulder would not result in her losing her balance, he walked gingerly over to the towel tossed carelessly over the radiator in the corner. Tossing it on the floor, Jack managed to coax most of the mess into the towel. "Does Atlantis have some sort of magical way to clean the floors?"

"No," she shook her head slowly and rubbed the already damp handkerchief against her teeth and frowned. "It's not usually like this. I'm not this bad."

"Can get you into GW memorial if you want," he offered as he rested a hand on her knee. "Run those tests and tests and tests...I'll get you some water." Jack disappeared towards the bathroom and returned with a plastic glass in his hand and an empty laundry basket. Kicking the basket in front of him, he passed off the water as he groaned and started filling the basket with towels.

"So we can get strange data that makes no sense to anyone, then classify it and make me go through all the same tests again in Colorado?" Elizabeth groaned and shook her head. "Think it'll kill me?"

"It might ruin my wardrobe," Jack complained as he started tugging his soggy shirt out of the waistband of his trousers. "Do you mind if I?" he asked lazily staring down at his clothes. "Might have to shower-" he complained under his breath. "Aren't you going to watch?" he wondered playfully raising his eyebrows.

"Sam won't mind?" Elizabeth teased back as she forced herself to swallow the water.

"I think my wife knows how attached you are, physically, emotionally and well, biologically-" Jack said pointing his elbow at her stomach. "I seriously doubt my ancient, though toned physique will instill in you a certain desire to jump my well worn bones. If that is what you whippersnappers call it these days." His t-shirt made a wet sound as it thudded into the laundry basket at his feet. "You okay?"

"Better," Elizabeth insisted weakly tossing his handkerchief into the pile.

"Not really," he corrected as he used a second towel to dry himself off.

"Not really," she agreed curling up on the edge of the bed. "Water tastes funny."

Jack paused as he examined his trousers and realized he was going to want to take them off as well. "Gonna keep it down?"

"Taking them off?" Elizabeth asked instead of answering his question. Her knees moved up towards her chest and left with nothing better to do, she watched him remove his belt.

"I'd go in the other room," Jack began sheepishly. "But then I'll see my wife, who will make fun of me and your husband who will be rather concerned about you and then I'll have to help Sam do dishes and John will come in here and worry about you-"

"-And you're going to marginally less mother-hen-like than my husband?" Elizabeth finished for him as she swallowed and tried to decide if sitting up for the rest of her water was worth the dizziness that would follow. "Who's the yellow man with the beer and donuts?"

"I'm going to pretend you've been born in the Pegasus Galaxy and haven't been exposed to the wonders of 'The Simpsons' because that's the only reason a woman as wonderful as you are supposed to be wouldn't know about Homer," Jack muttered in disbelief as he threw on his black robe over his boxer shorts. "You didn't answer my question."

"I was trying to decide if beer and donuts is always disgusting," Elizabeth admitted as she dragged herself off the bed to finish her water. Jack's hand caught her shoulder as she leaned against the head of the bed. "Or just more so because anything that involves food sounds disgusting to me right now."

"'Bout a year from now we'll try it," Jack promised as he tucked his hands in his pockets and pushed the laundry basket out into the hallway. "You might like it then. Sure about the doctor? GW's not too far. I have more clothes I could wear to drive you. Or Sam could drive you. I'm not going to let John drive you because I'm fairly certain he couldn't concentrate on that kind of drive."

"You're exaggerating," Elizabeth moaned and clung to the cup of water with both hands. "This isn't the first time--"

"First time you've thrown up on the General in charge of Homeworld Security, " Jack began sardonically "Who is also your boss, also your husband's boss, and a fairly important man, if not the man--" Pausing with a half smile, he lowered his hand to her shoulder and made sure she was looking into his eyes. "You made me the man."

"Once," Elizabeth sighed and wondered if her eyes were stinging because she was exhausted or because he was on the verge of making her laugh. "You've been promoted without me a few times."

"True," he agreed sagely adding a second . "Want to try eating something else? I know pasta was too much for you but we have crackers. Oatmeal. Let me recommend oatmeal because it tastes and looks exactly the same coming up or down--"

---

Rubbing the dishtowel in a lazy circle around a plate, John yawned and tried not to fall asleep standing up. The more he rubbed, the easier it seemed just to close his eyes and give up. If he was careful, he might not even drop the plate.

"Do you think we could manage if Jack and I had a baby?" Sam asked bluntly. The wording of the question didn't cut through John's lack of sleep induced walking coma. "In Atlantis, I mean, I know you and Elizabeth are going to be busy with Evie and the new one, but, you think we could manage. Right?"

"The baby's asleep," John answered her dumbly setting his plate down. "She's asleep in the living room."

"My baby," Sam repeated for him. "Hypothetically I mean, a baby Jack and I would have."

"Oh," John responded with the same searching expression. When Sam pressed a new plate into his hands he stared at that for a moment before he made his hands move. "Maybe you should talk about this with Elizabeth. I'm not really--" he sighed as he forced his eyes open further.

"Elizabeth's asleep," she offered with a backward glance towards the spare bedroom. "Would you two be okay?"

"Huh?" John asked stupidly shaking his head and reaching for the next plate. "Well yeah, why wouldn't we be?"

Sam watched him yawn again and wondered if she was being selfish by trying to work out her life while he was so close to falling asleep on his feet. "I could finish these," she offered as she nudged his shoulder.

"Then I will fall asleep," John replied without looking up from the cup in his hand. "It's all right. You need to--"

"It's just," Sam began as she sunk her hands into bubbles and dug out two forks. "I can't talk about it with Jack until I know how to talk about it with you and Elizabeth."

"Elizabeth will think its great," he murmured into the back of his hand. "You can commiserate about how terrible it is and talk together about how your ankles hurt."

"I know her neck hurts," Sam reminded him lightly as she searched the bottom of the sink for the last of the cutlery. "I haven't heard anything about her ankles."

"I think there was a point where everything hurt," John explained as he tried to decide if the rustling in the other room was Jack emerging from the spare bedroom or his daughter starting to fuss.

"She didn't complain much-" Sam began as she rinsed out the sink and started drying her hands. "At least, not to me."

"Right," John agreed as he took a step towards the living room. "She didn't complain much to you."

"She's fussing?" Sam asked hanging up the dishtowel and following his eyes towards the other room.

"Maybe," he waited hushing her and listening to see if his daughter would just go back to sleep. The small sounds of movement gave way to an angry squeak that took a moment to inhale before it became a wail of annoyance. Evelyn didn't cease to cry and go back to sleep like he was hoping. "I'll go."

"Can I?" Sam asked shyly. "She knows me pretty well."

John waved the cup he was drying towards the living room and nodded slowly. "She should just want to fuss for awhile and go back to sleep," he hoped. "She's usually pretty easy."

"Okay," Sam answered tucking her hair back tighter into her ponytail. "Be right back," she finished as she ducked into the other room.

Running a wet hand through his hair, John sighed and steeled himself to screaming that was coming with Sam from the living room. Evelyn was a sobbing, angry bundle wrapped in a blanket in her arms. She looked at him and he watched for that flash of recognition. This time it came with a glare of annoyance that he was starting to realize was only getting worse as she got older.

John kissed her forehead as Sam walked by and wondered if Elizabeth could hear her daughter. Hoping Elizabeth was tired enough to let him and Sam handle it, he watched Sam run her hand over the baby's back.

"Wet?" he asked setting the cup down and wishing the empty cup would someone magically refill with coffee.

"Just sleeping in a weird place," Sam guessed as she paced back and forth in the kitchen.

"Want coffee?" John asked leaving the dishes behind and stretching the aching muscles of his back. "I think I need some."

Sam nodded over Evelyn's curly head and kept pacing. The wailing was slowing to an angry burbling but she was still angry. "It's all right," Sam repeated over and over to the baby's head. "You're all right sweetie."

"She'll get bored," John insisted as he stared into the cabinet looking for coffee. "Do I need to grind it?"

"There's some in the freezer," Sam whispered as she rocked back and forth by the window. "That's the good stuff."

John returned her half-smile and reached around the frozen vegetables for the kind of container that would hold coffee. Thankfully, it was a square piece of tupperware labeled in black marker. Clutching that to the sore part of his temple, he headed for the store and the bright blue tea kettle that seemed so out of place n the neat kitchen. "She and Elizabeth are the best thing to ever happen to me," John admitted more to the tea kettle than Sam. "And this new baby- it's all so--"

"Surreal?"

"Insane!" John corrected her as he flicked on the stove and watched the blue gas flames lick at the bottom of the kettle. "Three years ago, I had a thing for Elizabeth I was pretty convinced would never go anywhere, and I was more concerned with the idea that I just needed to keep her safe and that was the best I could do."

"And a year after that you were sitting in my office trying to explain how you and Elizabeth intended to do your jobs with a baby between you," Sam reminded him as she stroked Evelyn's cheek. The little girl's tears were drying on her chubby face and her sobs were half-hearted at best.

"There was a part where I thought I was about to be sent home and told to keep it in my pants," John admitted with an evil smile.

"Jack blamed Elizabeth more than you," Sam pointed out as she planted a kiss on Evelyn's forehead. "Figured she seduced you somehow."

"Did you stand up for my honor?" he smirked and watched as his daughter's eyes started to close.

"No," Sam whispered as she watched the tea kettle start to spurt steam. "It's done." Her head nodded towards the stove. "Do you know how to work the coffee press?"

"I'm married to Elizabeth Weir," John reminded her as he shook his head.

"Point taken," Sam responded with a slow smile as she felt Evelyn's breathing start to slow against her chest.

---

"These are gonna get huge you know," Jack teased as he dragged his hand lazily around the underside of Sam's breast through her thin pajama shirt and sighed melodramatically. "You're not starting in that next-to-nothing place Elizabeth did, and you saw what that cute-little-oh-Jack-she's-so-adorable little munchkin did to hers."

Pulling herself thoughtfully up on one elbow, Sam let him wander his hand over to the other breast and smiled at him. "You thought Elizabeth was beautiful," she reminded him. "You stared at her every time you were in the city."

"I didn't say I wouldn't like it," Jack reminded her as he wandered his lips over her chin towards hers. "I'll think you're beautiful. I happen to think you're fairly good looking now."

"You're not bad yourself," Sam murmured with a hand in his damp hair. "I still catch those little cadet interns of yours staring at you when they think you're not looking."

Jack's left hand rested comfortably on the elastic waistband of her pajama pants before drumming thoughtfully on her stomach. "I still have that animal magnetism that drew you to me so many years ago," he teased as he started to drag her pajamas lower. He slipped his thumb around to tease her inner thigh and looked rather pleased with himself when she jumped.

"Elizabeth is all right?" she asked before she let herself relax into his hands.

"I got her to eat oatmeal, plain, without anything fussy on it," Jack explained as he continued dragged her pajamas down off her knees. "Kept that down all right."

"You don't think we need to take her to the hospital?" Sam asked seriously as he slipped her pink striped pajama bottoms around her feet and off to the side of the bed.

"No," Jack answered seriously resting his chin on the smooth skin of her knee. "Anything else?"

"She really threw up on you?" Sam asked giggling as she reached for the belt of his robe.

"Oh yes," he answered as he traced slow lines down her calf and rolled his eyes. "All over me and the floor of the spare bedroom. Created a whole load of laundry just by herself. You know, it's a good thing my washer and dryer haven't gone the way of the dishwasher--"

His complaint ended as she kissed him. In the eleven years he had spent fantasizing about kissing Samantha Carter, even acting it out occasionally, Jack had to admit the sweet warmth of her mouth against his never lost that little thrill of electricity.

"I'm too old to chase a baby," Jack murmured into her neck as she dragged his robe off of his shoulders and started insinuating himself into his lap.

"You're young at heart, sir," Sam teased with a mocking salute. She wasn't wearing anything under the pajama bottoms that were heaped at the foot of the bed and she was wet as she settled over his thigh.

Biting his lip as he pulled her closer to his chest, Jack ruffled her blonde hair. "Okay," he simply answered the question she hadn't asked again.

"Yeah?" Something in her blue eyes twinkled.

"Okay, Carter," he repeated as he snapped her bra free of the clasp on her back. "You win."

"I usually do, sir," she gloated reaching for the hem of her shirt. Ripping it up over her head, she was pulling her breasts free of her bra before he even had the chance to ogle the tan satin and the curves beneath.

"Is usually some kind of code for always?" he teased as he grabbed her left breast casually and winked at her.

"How did you know?" she teased before she pushed him back hard against the bed. "Are all your boxers Simpsons related?

"Do you do my laundry?" Jack demanded as she started easing them off his hips.

"You do my laundry," she reminded him as her breasts ran teasingly over his chest. "You're kinda like my wife."

"Do you want sex?" Jack sputtered in mock indignation.

"Yes!" Sam chuckled and nibbled his neck. "I've had a long day at the office and I need to unwind with the little woman."

"That really isn't sexy," he pointed out pouting up at her as her hair tumbled down towards his face.

"These are," Sam reminded him as she dragged both of his hands to her breasts and giggled impishly.

With a look of deep concentration and mocking groan, Jack rolled them both over and trapped her beneath him. Sliding his hands roughly over her breasts, he trapped her wrists against the pillows and felt her gasp beneath him. "This is the point where you shut up and let me have my way with you."

"Yes, sir," Sam hissed in his ear as she ground her hips up against him. Jack grinned and forced her hands deeper into the pillow. Using his right forearm to hold her arms captive, he ran his left hand down wickedly towards her clit. Brushing against it hard, he listened to her moan in his ear before he teased her open with two fingers.

Rolling on her side and draping a long leg carelessly over his hip, Sam changed the angle before he slipped inside her. It was gentler than usual and he took the time to watch her eyes flit from shock to half-closed contentment. She rocked against him, taking over the motion as she freed her hands and dug long fingers into his back. Jack caught her chin and held her eyes to his. His left hand was still working against her, twisting between them as he fought to keep contact. The fragile skin covering the aching flesh of her clit slid wet against his rough hands.

Sam forced them back over, regaining the position on top she favored. Once there she dug her knees in against his hips and made him work for his release. Sucking her breast made her laugh throatily before moaning as he pinched his fingers together tight.

Kissing him once, sloppily breaking it to pant against his cheek, Sam felt his right hand push her in tighter against his hips. He was almost lazily comfortable with fucking her and his smug grin remained in place even as she pulled him deeper. Biting his chest just made him pull her head up lightly by her hair and kiss her properly until she was panting for breath.

Jack was solid and hot inside of her and she wondered if there was any truth in birth being at all related to sex. The wondering if she'd ever find out faded into the screaming ache just below her navel that insisted on being released in a heady tingling that refused to fade politely. His fingers were still there, working diligently towards adding to that feeling.

Smirking as he dragged her down to kiss her panting lips, Jack felt her teeth scrape his lower lip and knew he was succeeding. First she trembled slightly, just in her legs, then she shuddered once from toes to lips pressed into his neck. Sam's fingers spasmed before digging in to the soft flesh of his back. Waiting just a moment past her let him watch the orgasm darken her eyes. Her lips toyed with his chin as euphoria swept over him like a pleasant shockwave.

"You're a smug bastard," she murmured to him as she toyed with the gray hair on his chest.

"You like it."

"I tolerate it," Sam promised sardonically. "There's a subtle difference."

"Oh?"

"I love you."

"Because I'm a smug bastard," he insisted feeling her knee find a place against his side.

Sam reached up to bat at his head. "That part's really more of a gray area."

Striking out for the light, he sighed and looked thoughtful. "Can I love you in it?"

"The grey area?" Sam wondered as she snuggled a little closer and reached for the blankets they'd shoved out of the way. 'I think it's allowed actually."

"Love doesn't have a lot of physics?"

"No," Sam shook her head in the dark before leaning in to kiss him. "Physics doesn't really apply to that."

"Or the gray area."

"Right," Jack finished and wrinkled his nose at her. "I like that."